Spiritually skeptical (part 2)

Once again God has been humbling me and proving me wrong with my spiritual skeptivity (is that a word?). Now I know that God isn't always going to be giving us an answer or telling us exactly which direction to turn when we want to hear it. There is something beautiful about the wait and receiving an answer or gift after having to wait for it. I am a firm believe that God doesn't like to do things early...he's never late by His standards...but always shows up just in time (whether that matches up with our time table or not). I have been trying to experiment with these things though... like taking the Spirit at His word, learning to identify when He's speaking to me, etc.

A couple of weeks ago, we were at a ladies worship night at our church and we had an amazing time of worship. While we were praising, I had that funny feeling like the Spirit was speaking to me. I thought it was just me...but when you hear it over and over again you start to wonder. I felt like He was saying that someone specific that was there needed to know that God thought they were beautiful. I was like well duh, all women need to be told that they are beautiful. That's my life goal...to teach women about Christ by working through the one basic principle that the Creator of the universe thinks we are precious in His sight. I pushed that thought back down. It came back. Then I feel in my spirit: "say it." I say no. Again, the Spirit is prompting me, "say it." Nope. Sorry. No way do I want to speak up in front of these women and tell them that the voices in my head are telling me to say something. Of course I used that excuse that I want to be one of those Christians that is cool, someone that others want to be like...not one of those Christians that are proclaiming stuff in the middle of services lol. So my mom is up there talking and I'm sitting there with my hands covering my mouth to prevent any word slippage. oh I'm starting to sweat now. lol I can feel it coming. All of the sudden, without any warning, my hand slips up. Before I can bring it down, she sees me and calls my name. FAIL. lol so I start talking and I just start saying what I felt like the Spirit was telling me. "Someone here needs to know that God thinks you are beautiful. That He loves you. That He desires you and wants to make you whole..." I said everything and sat back just shaking from being overwhelmed with the Spirit and from embarassment. We prayed and then like any good churchgoers, went to eat some dessert. I wasn't out there for two minutes before a new visitor to the church came up to me in tears and fell into my arms saying that she was the one that needed to hear that. She said she had felt something say to her that she needed to pay attention because God had something to say to her. She had been struggling with self-worth for years as the result of many struggles and she finally heard that freeing message that every woman wants to hear, "I [the LORD] think you are beautiful. I created you and you are precious in my sight."

Once again... I am a believer. :)

Hephzibah

I know I've mentioned before that my all-girls team name is Hephzibah, but I wanted to explain that a little better. Unless you spend some time the last few chapters of Isaiah, you may not have heard of this word. And while I'm no super scholar in the Old Testament, I have been hanging out recently in these hopeful chapters tucked away in the old faithful prophet's discourse. The Hebrew word "Hephzibah" is found in Isaiah 62:3. Some background- Isaiah is speaking metaphorically about Israel returning to the Lord and God's restoration taking place. He uses the beautiful metaphor of God accepting Israel back in as a bridegroom rejoicing over his new bride. The chapter speaks of God's restoration and His bestowing His people with a new name. The verse says,
"No longer will they [the nations] call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate,
but you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the LORD will
take delight in you, and your land will be married."

When you look up Hephzibah you will see that it means "my delight is in her" and that Buelah means "married." The chapter continues on this subject, refering to this Hephzibah as a crown of splendor in the Lord's hand, a Holy people, the redeemed of the Lord, Sought After, and the City No Longer Deserted. Oh how I love that "sought after" part. Those last couple chapters in Isaiah talk all about these life giving promises, describe a beautiful wedding, and God's perfectly amazing restoration.
Another verse caught my eye in Zephaniah 3:17 which says,
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

That's one of those verses I want to just tatoo all over my body or have someone yell at me everytime I begin to doubt Him. What else do you need? 1. He's with me. 2. He's mighty to save. 3. He takes delight in me. 4. He loves me. 5. He rejoices over me. That's some serious love. I don't know about all you people out there, but no matter how amazing the people around you are or how dreamy your significant other is...they just can't compete. God is the only one that can deliver on those 5 aforementioned promises.
always. completely. forever.

Fight for me...

Thanks for all of the responses about my last post. So many were so blown away by God showing up like that. It became apparent to me that we are all hungry for experiences like that. From new believers in Christ to seasoned saints, from conservatives to liberals, from atheists to missionaries- we're all looking for something to believe in. Something that gives meaning to life and substance to monotony. Throughout the pages of history, people have been searching for this God the Bible talks about. This God that delivers. This God that fights for us. Am I the only one that wants someone to fight for me? I doubt it. Oh God, you are mighty to save ....fight for me. God is speaking to me through a song I heard at camp by Johnathan David Helser called "God of the Angel Armies." One line I just love- "God of the Angel Armies- you fight for us." I teared up thinking about it. That blows me away. God loves me so much to fight for me. He's been fighting for me. He's been pursuing me. That's beautiful. I can't wait to experience more of this. I can't wait to taste more of His all-satisfying love.
If you have time, read Isaiah 35.I love verses 3-4: "Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, He will come with vengeance, with divine retribution He will come to save you.'" That gets me excited. I want my King speaking those words into my fearful heart. I want my King to be coming with some divine retribution...I don't think I'm exactly positive about what retribution is completely lol but I want some of that divine stuff if it's going to be my Savior saving me from the evil in this world. Isaiah 35 goes on to talk about God producing streams in the desert- bring good out of bad, something out of nothing. He says that we the redeemed will walk this road and everlasting joy will crown our heads. How overwhelming! God can deliver for you, He can give you something to believe in. Sometimes things can get so low but if you listen, can't you can hear Him say, I am mighty to save... I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU.

Spiritually skeptical

So I'm coming off one of those spiritual highs you get when you're at a camp, rocking out with other people that are passionate about Christ. Training camp for my trip was pretty wild. Basically there were a bunch of us camping out in the backwoods near Atlanta, Georgia. Camp was amazing. We stayed in our tents, ate foods from each country, worshiped pretty much the whole time, and developed relationships. It was amazing. I learned so much. I was given a team of six girls (the only all girls team on my squad!) that I will be traveling with for the next year. They are already rocking my life :). There is so much to tell, I don't want this to be too long, so I'll tell you the most notable thing that happened at camp. It's crazy. You can be skeptical, I was too (ps. I'm not anymore).

Team Hephzibah (which means "my delight is in her" (Isaiah 62:4)

Amy, Carmen, Kelly, Jennilee, me and Nikki

The last day of camp, we were told to get with our teams and pray that God would show us how to minister to the community that day. We had 5 hours to do whatever we wanted and go wherever. We were just supposed to listen to the Holy Spirit. I was pretty skeptical. Not that He isn't powerful and capable, I just couldn't imagine Him telling us specifically what to do. I finally just relinquished my criticism and led our team in prayer, praying that God would come through and direct us. I was so nervous!! After about 5 min. of silence, one girl spoke up about us needing to do something about kids. Another spoke up that is was a specific child and his mother. Another said we needed to go to the grocery store. More silence, I'm a little creeped out. Then my spirit inside of me said, "there are two kids." What?!? Another girl said it was a blonde four year old boy in a blue striped shirt. Yet another girl felt the verse about Christ feeding the 5,000 on her heart. And then we heard "Go." So we started driving, just following what we felt like our hearts were saying. We ended up at a grocery store. After creeping around looking for these people, we decided to stop and pray bc we didn't see anyone. We prayed and then found some pretty Biblical looking loaves of bread (lol and they were 2x1 on sale, talk about being multiplied). We then went to get some food for ourselves. I went into another aisle and just started praying and as I was, one of the girls gasped and pointed as a young mother with two young blonde boys (one in a blue striped shirt) passed by. It was insane. We ended up talking to her and her sons (who of course were 4 years old) and bought her groceries. She was going through a rough move and a bad divorce and were just able to bless her day. It was crazy!!! The whole day was like this too. We would get lost and end up at trailer park where we talked to the people and fed them with our loaves of break and sandwich supplies. Opportunities just kept opening up as the Spirit led us. It was incredible. How awesome that within the first half hour of listening to Him, he turned 6 skeptics into 6 believers in the power of the Holy Spirit? The fact that He used all of us to form what we needed to do... I can't even tell you how much my faith was encouraged. If this is what God can do with 5 hours of us being open to Him, I can't wait to see what He does with 11 months...or better yet, the rest of our lives. :)

More summer

I know it's been a while since I posted last... but I haven't had too many good stories recently. Life has been good though. I've been resting and getting better-so that is most excellent. I've also had the opportunity to see some of my best friends. I went to a wedding (caught the bouquet again lol) and I was able to stay with Rachel for a night at a super ghetto Econo Lodge. That was interesting :) I've enjoyed church in English again and eating as much as possible all the time. I am starting to prepare for my next adventure in life. I agonized for days over which tent, backpack, sleeping bag etc. to buy for my mission trip. I stared at that purchase button for a good two hours before I convinced myself that I needed to pay money for these things. ugh that put a dent in the old bank account. But I figure I'm going to live in it for a year, so it's slightly important. I'm sure you can imagine my dilemma :). This week I leave for a training camp. I am all over the place about it...mainly because I'm still getting over mono and I'm really tired. Plus, I'm just nervous about starting something new. Meeting all new people, living in all new places, doing all new things...that's exhausting! I'm so excited, but I'm trying to be realistic too...11 months is a long time. My main concern: clean bathrooms. ;) I wouldn't refer to myself as high maintenance, HOWEVER, I sometimes have a complex about clean bathrooms. I can see this problem being my archnemesis over the next year. Stay posted for stories. I go to get my vaccinations tomorrow...that also should be a fun time. My favorite is the optional vaccination titled: Japanese Encephalitis. How can something be optional when not getting it could mean having a brain rotting disease? weird. We'll see how it goes. As for the long distance relationship with Albin- it's definitely not my favorite thing. I've become that quesosa (cheesy) girl that talks on skype for hours :). "They" say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and that being apart makes being together that much sweeter...but I'm wondering if "they" were apart for 13 months....lol and I'm only on day 22. In all things...I just have to keep reminding myself that God is so faithful :)

Summer so far...

I've been home for about a week and a half now and it has been great. I've slept a lot :). My first day I was able to see one of my best friends in the whole world, Brittany, and her family. She has a "new" baby (9 months) that I was able to see for the first time. I loved it! We also went camping for the fourth of July. There was a whole lot patriotism going on there. It was funny. Things I am thankful for this week:

1. Family and Friends (obviously)

2. It's not raining everyday

3. Cheeseburgers, Chipotle, LaRosas, Dairy Queen

4. Sleeping in.

5. Skype with video cameras

6. Flushing toilet paper

7. Being able to drive again

8. Running errands and speaking English :)

So it's been a good week. I am also really thankful to receive some news about my sickness. I've continued being sick here...mainly just so tired and sore with swollen lymph nodes. I just received some test results and I did test positive for mono which totally makes sense. I also am being tested for some weird liver counts, but they said that can sometimes be associated with having mono. I would definitely appreciate your prayers as I wait to find out the whole story. Please also continue to pray that this won't affect my ability to receive the necessary vaccinations for my trip and just my ability in general to prepare for it.

Much love!

Camping at Brown County!

Old chapter and new chapters...

It's funny that even when you know a big change is coming...you're still surprised when it actually comes. It's funny how when even you have time to prepare...you still feel so un-ready when the day you've prepared for comes. I remember the first time I went home to the U.S. for a friend's wedding after moving to CR and crying all the way back to CR on the plane...thinking about how long two years was going to be and how much I would miss people. Fast forward two years and I see myself in an opposite position. Crying all the way back to U.S. thinking about how short those two years went and how much I will miss the people in Costa Rica. I guess what Ecclesiastes says about God making everything beautiful in its time is true...when you give things time and wait on God, a beautiful transformation takes place-even when at first glance it seems uncomfortable, difficult, or even impossible. As I look back over the past two years at what God has brought me through and how He has made me grow- I see faithfulness. God is so faithful. He provided everything I needed in Costa Rica...and then some :). I learned Spanish, I was a successful teacher, I made friends, I learned how to cook, etc. Now my goal is to apply that learning and remember that God is going to provide in the future. I could not be more thankful for the people He blessed me with, the wisdom He gave to me and the love that He showed me over the last two years. As I wiped tears out of my eyes after saying good-bye to Albin and Kate, and looked over the mountains right before getting on the plane, I couldn't help feeling like I was leaving home again. I found myself asking if it was a blessing or a curse to have two homes. On the one hand, you are always going to be missing someone, but on the positive side, you have more people to love and more people to love you back. So through all the frustrating language problems and misunderstandings of culture and how things are done in different cultures, through all the different foods, new people, sickness, expensive plane tickets and missing of family, I've realized that living in CR for the past two years has changed me- I'm becoming more of who God has created me to become and I'm becoming a person who is learning what it means to surrender to God's plan. It's the most amazing adventure ever. And now, as I sit in Ohio with my dog by my side and take in all of the things that are "normal" again, I realized that I don't think normal will ever be normal again- for I have changed. And even though I change, normal changes, home changes- Christ remains the same. He is same yesterday, today and tomorrow and no matter where I go- He is my constant and He is teaching me the beauty of doing the different, following His adventure and embracing the unknown. That is truly the life worth living.