CR medical system

This is going to quite possibly be my best blog ever because it's probably one of my favorite stories ever. Beware: it may be graphic. So I've been sick for the last several days and today I deciced to go to the doctor. Now that I am on the Costa Rican social security system, I get to go for free...so I decided to brave the confusion. For some reason my costa rican mother couldn't go with me and everyone else was at school, so I sucked it up and did it myself. So you have to go early in the morning, before 7a.m. and wait in a line to get an appointment time. If you come later that 7, you have to just wait in line for hours until they can get you in. Anyway, Kate calls me at like quarter till 7 and tells me to get my butt down there. I threw on some clothes and walked down there. I got lost, but eventually arrived. After waiting in the wrong line and not doing the right thing, I finally got the guts to ask like 9 people what I needed to do. I'm not sure if it was the fever or if I was just nervous, but I was serioulsy sweating. I finally got attended to by a lady and she started a new a file and set me up with an appointment...which wasn't until 3:15...what??? So I went home and went to bed. At 3:15 I dragged my butt over there. I sat in the waiting room waiting for my name to get called and after about 10 minutes I asked someone if I needed to sign in...yes. Come on Tricia. Finally get called in and explain my symptoms. Everything is going well until she asks me THE question. Now... in Spanish: Papá=dad, papa=potato. The lady asks me if I want to do a routine papa....something. I didn't catch the last word, I had never heard it before. (the word was papanicolao). I told her my dad wasn't there. That didn't work. Then I asked, what about potatoes? lol that didn't work either. Then she starts in medical terms describing what this dad-thing or potato-thing was. I didn't catch any of it. I started freezing up in Spanish until I heard one key word (this is not for the faint in heart, sorry for any men reading this): the female reproductive organ word. WHAT??? Then it dawned on me. She wasn't asking about my dad or offering me potatoes...she wanted to give me a pap-smear. LOL what the heck. I went in for bronchitis...why would I want to do the most miserable thing in the world on top of being so sick? lol but thinking it was free and that I might as well kill two birds in one stone...I did it. lol as if the gyno isn't awkward enough in English...try having some Spanish dude giving you orders. It was absolutely humiliating. I finally got finished and tried to compose myself and then they sent me off to another room. I got lost. When I finally got there, they told me to drop my pants again. WHAT??? They were giving me an injection for the bronchitis in the butt. Seriously, Costa Ricans get injections for everything! Oh my goodness, I just lost it. Then the lady starts blabbing in Spanish and I heard her say, oh some of the liquid got out...you're going to have "some" pain. She should have substituted some pain with a serious butt spasm and inability to walk normal for an hour. It was unbelievable. Then they hooked me up with three perscriptions and orders to come back in 8 days for a full body checkup (well what the heck did they just do??). I'd say that was a pretty "full body" check up. I finally got out of there running. lol not running, more like sauntering because my left butt cheek was numb and because you never feel much like walking after the gyno. I laughed hysterically all the way home and of course had to stop to catch my breath because I can't breath with this dumb bronchitis. It was incredible. So in summary, today was productive: I learned how to handle the medical system here, I learned a new word, I got an injection, and I got a great story. Fue un exito! (It was a success)